This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
