I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
