A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
