Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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