We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
