what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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