dude i'm inner monologue high
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
