Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
