i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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