My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize