I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Houston, we have a squirter
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
