I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
