so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
