she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize