i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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