Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
