I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
