god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
