you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
