I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
