wakey wakey hands off snakey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize