he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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