I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
