wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
