We're facebook friends in real life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
