So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize