i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
