guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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