Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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