I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
