There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
