i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have demons in me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
