I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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