dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
