so that wasnt chicken after all
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm too high and old for this...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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