Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
