i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Found your dick twin last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
