You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
