so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
