Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
