wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
