my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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