I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
