i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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