Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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