I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
