Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
