RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
