Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
