She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
