He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
