So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
