he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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