remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
