Whod you bang
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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