can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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