Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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