Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
