the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
