Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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