just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he's gonorrhea incarnate
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
that is very illegal...i love you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
