i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its not stalking. its research.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
