had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
