I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
