Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize