$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
