saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
