the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
