My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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